15 Life Lessons Learned From SimCity
Ah, SimCity
. While all the other video games out there were teaching us to become violent, antisocial little monsters, SimCity was quietly showing us the positive, constructive side of life. As a loyal player for many years, I thought I’d reflect on the countless insightful lessons this little game has taught me.
- If you wait long enough, land values will rise anyway.
- Ignorant poor people are a lot less demanding than pampered rich people. You can also squeeze more of them into a given area.
- Crime keeps your citizens in line. Cut down on crime and suddenly they want libraries and zoos and fountains and museums.
- If you have to build a toxic, polluting power plant, shove it in the corner. That way half the pollution goes to your neighbors. Isn’t sharing wonderful?
- The smarter your Sims are, they more likely they are to question you. Treat the education budget appropriately.
- Take garbage from one neighbor and export it to another. Stupidly, the game prevents you from making a profit from doing this, but you know better.
- Nobody wants to build next to a landfill, so put all of your hospitals and schools there.
- Everyone always talks about how clean industry is the “wave of the future”, but all it is is a discrimination attempt to deprive the loyal, dirty industry of a place to do business. Capitalize on their predicament.
- Remember: it’s a “bargain”, not a “slum”.
- Don’t build any fire stations until you have an actual fire. (Then, put one right next to the burning building.)
- Evict the environmentalists. If nobody is there to run unbiased tests on your drinking water, nobody can rightfully refute your propaganda. (They’re all a bunch of anti-growth hippies anyway.)
- Disasters are great causes of bonding and patriotism, and they cause your approval ratings to soar. This is why every version of SimCity has let you start your own.
- Stop playing and leave things running for a few decades. Everyone will praise the excellent job you’ve done curtailing spending and fostering growth.
- Put your graveyards next to your toxic industrial zones. They’re fantastic absorbers of pollution, and the dead can’t vote.
- Incidentally, meteors are excellent antidotes to riots.
And they said video games don’t teach us meaningful values!